Our Almost-Christmas Miracle

Santa was too busy on Christmas, so sent the stork instead! The stork apparently doesn't do overnight shipping, so Elliott Casper arrived yesterday, born naturally in the water December 26th, at 7:28 am. 8 lbs even, 22 in long, and just perfect!



We've been home since about 1pm yesterday, and everyone's doing great (but Mom & Dad are tired!) Birth story forthcoming. We are crazy-blessed.

Two Holidays

As I mentioned previously, we didn't decorate for Christmas this year.

Decor from our first Christmas married, still boxed away right now

It's been kind of weird, going to others' homes and seeing the tree and lights set up in their living rooms and knowing ours looks as it always does. Wrapping presents then realizing we have no where to put them. Wondering if I still have to buy stocking stuffers if there's no stocking hung. The lack of decorations and general hubbub have made me acutely aware of what is Necessary for Christmas- what is part of the cultural construct of the holiday vs. the religious celebration of Jesus. Here's a hint: the tree and presents have very little to do with the coming of the Son of God.

I read a CS Lewis essay recently about the cultural vs religious celebration of holidays, and, just came across another story he wrote making the same point, both from a collection of essays God in the Dock. His conclusion is the one I've come to as well- let Culture celebrate their holiday as they will, it shouldn't bother me. Culture also has no obligation to celebrate the religious holiday that happens to fall on the same day as their cultural holiday if they make no claim to be a part of the religion. These two holidays can be two separate events, and individuals can choose to what extent to celebrate each one.

Three things go by the name of Christmas. One is a religious festival. This is important and obligatory for Christians; but as it can be of no interest to anyone else, I shall naturally say no more about it here. The second (it has complex historical connections with the first, but we needn’t go into them) is a popular holiday, an occasion for merry-making. If it were my business to have a ‘view’ on this, I should say that I much approve of merry-making. But what I approve of much more is everybody minding his own business. I see no reason why I should volunteer views as to how other people should spend their own money in their own leisure among their own friends. It is highly probable that they want my advice on such matters as little as I want theirs. But the third thing called Christmas is unfortunately everyone’s business.
I mean of course the commercial racket... read the rest

So, the War on Christmas? Only exists if we view the cultural & consumer holiday as the same event as the solemn religious celebration. My observation this year is that the two have very little overlap, besides a date on the calendar. Their songs, decorations, practices, characters, stories- totally different. There's nothing wrong with celebrating both (within reason), as long as I realize that one has nothing to do with the other. This year, for simplicity's sake, I'm choosing to opt out of most of the cultural practices of celebration.

Does that make me a Scrooge? I'm not sure. I hope not- I plan on giving gifts and visiting with family, and I look forward to it. I spent hours Sunday wrapping gifts and visiting with friends. We had a fun cookie exchange Monday with friends. I guess I've just seen this year how little cookies and wrapping paper have to do with Jesus. And that's totally OK- I just don't want to confuse the two celebrations, and let the cultural holiday take the place of the religious one, and let the Baby get lost in the shuffle.

Postscript #1: What does annoy me, though? The Christian music station playing songs celebrating the cultural holiday rather than the religious holiday. "Jingle Bells" and "White Christmas" have nothing to do with the holiday the station claims to be celebrating. Those are perfectly fine songs, but the other 11 months of the year, they refuse to play secular music, so what's different about the 12th? I don't get it.

Postscript #2: This same principle can be applied to Halloween (and Easter, etc), too, in my opinion- I can easily celebrate the cultural holiday of dressing in costume and meeting neighbors and eating candy without celebrating the "religious" holiday celebrating death and darkness just as easily as Culture celebrates Santa and shopping without the aspect of new life and God-in-the-flesh.

Book Review, part 3: Husband-Coached Childbirth

Husband-Coached Childbirth by Robert Bradley was lent to us by some friends early in my pregnancy. On our road trip in June & July, we both were determined to get through the book. We know a few different couples that highly recommended the Bradley childbirth classes to us, which is based on this book and the philosophies of Dr Robert Bradley. This book is more of the Why of natural childbirth, without going to much into the How To. I believe Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way is more of a how-to guide (but I haven't read it, since I took a class with the same material).

After doing my own research prior to reading Husband Coached Childbirth, I was already convinced I wanted to give birth with a midwife in the city's freestanding birth center, but I don't think Josh totally "got" why I was so insistent about this- except he knew that I don't deal well with being in hospitals. After reading this book and taking the classes, he's 100% behind our decision, and a supporter of natural birth.

The book was originally published in 1965, and, despite updates since then, does have some "old fashioned" advice that sounds odd to us today. Many hospitals have changed their practices to become more family-friendly, so some of the warnings in the book no longer apply- but it is interesting to read what used to be "normal" and understand where older doctors or concerned family members might be coming from.

Josh's support has been and will be invaluable as we're doing this whole pregnancy-and-birth thing. This book, as well as the Bradley class with Amy Ferris in Fishers, has made him a better birth partner. We both understand that we have no idea how labor and delivery will pan out, and that there's only so much we can do- this book and the birth class has given us good tools to make the best choices we're able to, and understand the ramifications of those choices. Stay tuned- I'll let you know how it goes!

Freezer Story

Thanks to appliance adventures last weekend, we finally got around to organizing the chest freezer. It was kind of a 'If You Give a Mouse a Cookie' chain of events, but I'm glad the chain ended in a nicely organized freezer.

What happened:

• I started laundry Friday night, because weekends are our Laundry Days
• On my way out the door Friday evening to get into the car & go on a date night with Josh, I walk through the mud room/laundry room to get my shoes, and step in a puddle of water. The entire floor is covered in water.
• I call Josh, and he comes in, and we sop up as much water as we can, and go on our date.
• Saturday, Josh tried moves the (very tightly wedged) washer, dryer, and freezer out from the wall to figure out what happened with the washer. The bottom of the tub of the washer has a crack in it. Research quickly suggests we need to replace our 3.5 year old washer. Boo.
• We go washer shopping, and check Consumer Reports.
• We buy a washer Sunday.
• We decide that the next washer needs to not be tightly wedged in the room, as that might have contributed to the problem. The freezer has to move (even though we once thought its placement was a good idea).
• There's about 100 lbs of frozen meat in the freezer, along with lots of other stuff. I'm 9 months pregnant and not allowed to help Josh move the freezer, so we unload the freezer to make it possible to move across the room, into a closet.
• While loading it back up, I insist we make the meat & other stuff more organized, so I can find things, and not have to bend & left 25 lb bags of meat to fix dinner.
• While we are at it, we go through the fridge freezer, too.
• The new washer was delivered two days later by men in promo mesh hats, who decided to call from my driveway to let me know when they were showing up.

In the end, the fridge freezer was packed with "prepared food"- meals or parts of meals that are already cooked, and just need to be heated up to be ready for dinner. Post-baby, this will be good for helpful friends and family and Josh- if they want to fix dinner while they visit, they have one accessible place to go to find easy meals, rather than digging through the chest freezer. The chest freezer has meat and other uncooked ingredients (and ice cream) for the more adventurous meal-fixer. What's better: Josh and I know where everything is now, which means the food I'm storing will get used, rather than forgotten. Some older stuff got (finally) cleaned out, too, so we have room for freezer meals and leftovers. 

Yes, I'm nesting, why do you ask?

Waiting, and Making Space

Here we are, in Advent. It's a season of waiting, really- a season of anticipation and expectation and pregnant hope. Over the last couple weeks, I've come across a few reflections that have really spoken to me, as I am moving through Advent waiting on two babies- the one inside me, and the One inside Mary.

From Mama Monk:

Who else knows the power and the longing of waiting for the Messiah than the young woman who waited as he formed inside her? Perhaps, I’ve been thinking, Advent is less a season of journeying or meditation, and more a season of pregnancy: the active work of preparing space.

There are seasons to pregnancy: There’s the hard first season of carving out room in one’s body for the child. In that season we somehow hunger and purge all at once. We build an organ (the placenta) that not only exhausts us but provides life for the child whose form is taking shape. In the second season we gain control of our stomachs again, if only to eat. We eat and eat and nourish ourselves, like bears hunkering down for some hibernation we don’t understand. We feel our bones and muscles moving, making space for the hard work of pushing our child out of us. We sit still enough to feel the small twisting, the hiccups of our two-pound eggplant baby. And in that last season, we ripen. Our bodies expand to the point of explosion. Our baby kicks into our organs with their human size feet. And eventually, the child forces its way out of us. We give in.

How is Advent like pregnancy? I like the idea that in this season we are holding something precious, making room for a child to be born, suffering and celebrating, eating and aching, growing and allowing the child to grow in us.

From The Meaning is in the Waiting, excerpted in Christianity Today:

Pregnant waiting is a profoundly creative act, involving a slow growth to new life. This kind of waiting may appear passive externally but internally it consists of never-ending action and is a helpful analogy for the kind of waiting that Advent requires.

For many of us, Advent is such a busy time with all our preparations for Christmas that the thought of stopping and sitting passively is simply impossible. Advent, however, does not demand passivity, but the utmost activity: active internal waiting that knits together new life.

From the Sojourner's blog, This Advent, What Are You Waiting For?

Jesus, we believe, changes everything.

But while the incarnation sets into motion the final redemption of the cosmos, the curse still rages on. While God’s people welcome the kingdom in all its manifestations, it has not yet come in all its fullness.

And so we wait.

I'm full-term, and waiting- knowing that this baby could easily not come for another MONTH and still be in the range of "normal". I'm trying not to be impatient, even with two friends due after me delivering in the last 2 days. Even with the packed bags sitting next to the door at home, the bassinet set up next to my bed, the swing and bouncy chair in the living room, us rearranging the cabin furniture, people reminding me "any day now!". We're making space, waiting, expecting, anticipating, knowing I, like Mary, will not be pregnant forever, and we will get to meet this long-awaited son.

Sometimes it does occur to me, though- I wonder if a bumpy donkey ride would help move things along?

Fortunate

I'm lucky. I know that.

I was born into a family that could meet my needs, into a country that's the richest in the world, where we put energy toward figuring out a shopping strategy for Black Friday rather than wondering where our next meal is coming from. During the pregnancy, while I've been shocked by the cost of medical care, I haven't wondered where I'd get it or where the money would be coming from to pay for it. I'm lucky to have insurance, to have access to skilled midwives, and to have the opportunity to go to a birth center.

Not all mothers have the same choices.

Compassion International is best known for their child sponsorship programs all over the world- and they do an excellent job of connecting American Christians and needy third-world families and providing the families what they need. I've loved reading the stories of bloggers close to home who have taken trips to meet their sponsored children (with both Compassion and World Vision). Apparently Compassion has another program, Rescue Babies Now, that focuses on getting care to vulnerable mothers and the smallest children, to help infants and toddlers survive. Of course, this hits home for me this year, knowing that I'm just lucky- I've had a happy, healthy pregnancy, but I could have as easily been born elsewhere, and been one of these mothers, just hoping their babies survive.

What can you do?
- Give to a "child survival center" monthly
- Make a one-time gift to provide a birth attendant for a mother, provide birth and baby supplies, provide a month of food & supplements to a mother & baby, or provide vaccinations for a child, each for $100 or less.
- Sponsor a child 3 years old or up, to help pay for their education and support their family

On Gifting

I came to a realization a week or so ago: I'm really bad at gifts.

The love language of gifts just doesn't speak to me, and I can't speak it, as hard as I try. I can think of a host of reasons- I don't really value Stuff, I'm practical to a fault, I over-think what someone might like and be able to use. As a result, picking out gifts for people in my life is torturous. I think of something they might like, then realize they'd probably rather pick it out themselves. I think of something really useful, then realize how painfully boring it is. I think of a fun idea, then wonder if it's something they'd really like or use. And the cycle goes on, with every single person on my list. I've concluded I'm just bad at this whole process.

What breaks my heart about the whole thing is, gifts DO matter to some people. The thoughtfulness and sentimentality and Stuff language of gifts is a way that they receive love. I want to be able to show love to these friends and family, and when I try to think of ways to do so, I hit a wall. I freeze up, and nothing comes to mind that's meaningful and useful and fun. I'm thankful that Josh vetoes some of my boring ideas, and recognizes some of my ideas are things that I would like or think they ought to have, but aren't things they would like. I need him as a filter- though, I still fail to come up with any good ideas. All the ads in the stores hawking video games, jewelry, NFL and NBA shirts, plastic toys- it all seems to meaningless and impractical. I do better with gifts when I have a list from the recipient- then, at least, I know what I'm picking out will be useful and wanted, even if it is boring.

So: if your love language includes Receiving Gifts, please don't be offended if I don't send you anything, or do a really bad job at picking something out. I'm really bad at this, and it breaks my heart I can't properly speak the language that communicates best to you. It's frustrating on my end, too, believe me. But! If you want to go spend some Quality Time or receive some Acts of Service, I'm your girl! Find out your love language.

So Many Mamas- an update

I've been hearing word of birth announcements left and right, so decided to dig up my post about so many mamas due over the last few months. Here's the list (some very belated), with the ones still waiting on a December baby, and the babies who have already made their Earthside appearance:

Stacy - Welcome Delaney!

Jes - Welcome Josiah!

Kacie - Still waiting

Karen - Welcome Judah!

Susan - Welcome Gretchen!

Jenny - Still waiting

Jessie - Still waiting
Ariel - Still waiting

Operation Mommyhood - Due in February

Erin - Welcome Harrison!

Jennifer  - Welcome "Lil J"!.

Andrea - Welcome Alex!

Alissa - Due in January

Matt O's wife - Welcome Hunter!

James' wife - Still waiting

Tyson's wife - Still waiting

Gun's wife - Due in January

Reading these ladies' birth stories and seeing cuddly newborn pictures encourages me as I'm still waiting, too. And, I don't feel alone- the above picture is of four other ladies due within a month of me, from our company Christmas party Friday. Aren't they all so cute?!

From the same party, Josh and I got a picture together from high above the Indy "Christmas tree" that I thought was pretty festive:

I don't feel huge, and (totally unprompted) people keep telling me I'm not huge, but looking at these pictures makes me question that... (Note: Do NOT tell a woman, pregnant or not, that she's huge, or start sending her lipofuze reviews or ask if she's having twins. Unless you want to be hit over the head with her purse. You've been warned.)