Sigh. What a lucky girl I am.
I've sad that alot in the last year or so. And meant it!
I've got a God who is bigger than my circumstances and in control and loves me well. He's my Father and my King.
I've got a family who loves and supports me.
I've got better friends than I've ever had, who I can laugh with and listen to and share with freely.
But mostly right now, I'm thinking I'm pretty lucky because of my Prince- a Prince who puts my needs and our relationship over his own desires. A Prince who is desiring to become a man of God, and growing in that way with a heart that astounds me. A Prince that will come for an afternoon and do silly things with me like walk in the park and bake cookies and play Scrabble. A Prince who will put up with me when all I have to do is complain about my day and workload and busyness, A Prince who will listen when I'm deep in thought about philosophies and worldviews and just need to reason outloud to someone. A Prince who is gentle enough to play with his 2-year-old nephew for hours on end and love it, but strong enough to fix cars and work out and make it through all his struggles. A Prince that is loyal and handsome and kind and loves me well.
He's stolen my heart.
I could go on. But I've probably already embarrassed him.
Sigh. What a lucky girl I am.
10.27.2004
10.24.2004
Googlewhacking
So, I have a new diversion online. I was wandering around Barnes and Noble Friday, and found a book chronicling Googlewhacking. This new sport has gotten some press attention. Now, I think Google is the coolest thing since sliced bread, so a game using its power is extra-cool. The idea is this: Find a two-word combination that, according to Google, appears exactly once on the whole Internet (returns one and only one result). Here are the rules.
I've been playing a little this morning, and haven't been able to get much below 100 using correctly spelled words (which is a rule) but its a very intriguing game. And we all know what a word freak I am, with Scrabble and all.
I've been playing a little this morning, and haven't been able to get much below 100 using correctly spelled words (which is a rule) but its a very intriguing game. And we all know what a word freak I am, with Scrabble and all.
10.18.2004
10.16.2004
The Point
The point is people.
That's it. Relationships matter.
More than lines of code.
More than all A's.
More than being on time or well dressed.
I know all this intellectually, but I very rarely act like it. I let my schedule dictate my day, and never leave wiggle room for relationship time with people. That's why the girls on my floor never see me and I haven't gotten to know the freshmen and I'm not invited on random outings. I never have time for them. I'm running from meeting to meeting to homework time to sleep to work... and don't have down time to spend with anyone.
So, Thursday, I made a decision. I had somewhere I ought to have been, but one of the freshmen in my small group had an hour to kill and asked if I wanted to go for coffee. Ordinarily, my answer is, No, sorry, I'm on my way here or there. But not Thursday. Some would say I should have stuck to plans, but this was an opportunity I pass up way more often than I should, if I claim to love people. So I went to coffee with my friend. And you know what? Nothing profound came up. We talked mostly of the Croatian alphabet. But you know what else? That time was better get-to-know-you time than I could ever concoct in a small group meeting. I made a decision to make people a priority over my schedule.
Recently, I've done that a couple other times- spent time with people over doing things I 'ought' to be doing. I've stayed up till 2 or later talking, when I have work the next morning at 8. And, again, it was worth it if noothing more than to communicate to my friends that I care enough to give them attention and time. For super-organized, anal me, the choice to deviate from my schedule is a very hard one, but I have found, I am always rewarded.
That's it. Relationships matter.
More than lines of code.
More than all A's.
More than being on time or well dressed.
I know all this intellectually, but I very rarely act like it. I let my schedule dictate my day, and never leave wiggle room for relationship time with people. That's why the girls on my floor never see me and I haven't gotten to know the freshmen and I'm not invited on random outings. I never have time for them. I'm running from meeting to meeting to homework time to sleep to work... and don't have down time to spend with anyone.
So, Thursday, I made a decision. I had somewhere I ought to have been, but one of the freshmen in my small group had an hour to kill and asked if I wanted to go for coffee. Ordinarily, my answer is, No, sorry, I'm on my way here or there. But not Thursday. Some would say I should have stuck to plans, but this was an opportunity I pass up way more often than I should, if I claim to love people. So I went to coffee with my friend. And you know what? Nothing profound came up. We talked mostly of the Croatian alphabet. But you know what else? That time was better get-to-know-you time than I could ever concoct in a small group meeting. I made a decision to make people a priority over my schedule.
Recently, I've done that a couple other times- spent time with people over doing things I 'ought' to be doing. I've stayed up till 2 or later talking, when I have work the next morning at 8. And, again, it was worth it if noothing more than to communicate to my friends that I care enough to give them attention and time. For super-organized, anal me, the choice to deviate from my schedule is a very hard one, but I have found, I am always rewarded.
10.12.2004
If Variety is the Spice of Life
then I've just joined a very spicy blog. My friend David invited me to join the discussion at his new 'group blog'. It shall be interesting. I feel like I might be the odd one out here- not at BSU like most the rest, not as outspoken or well-spoken as the rest... I'm a computer science major, I'm not supposed to communicate well! But we will see how this goes. It will be a fun group, I think. An outlet for ideas, and probably a clashing of ideas. Should be interesting.
I enjoy a challenge. If only I had time to think, I'd be all about this. As it is right now, I'm excited, but disappointed I don't have more time to contribute. Sigh.
I enjoy a challenge. If only I had time to think, I'd be all about this. As it is right now, I'm excited, but disappointed I don't have more time to contribute. Sigh.
10.06.2004
Too many teams
Right now, I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed. Not so much because classwork is hard, or I have lots of tests to worry about, or a lot of reading to catch up on, but because of projects. Last semester, I was busy with a project, but it was, primarily, my only project. I and my group had essentially one big thing to worry about for an entire semseter. And things turned out well.
Contrast that with this semester. I don't have One Overwhelming Project, which I suppose can be viewed as a good thing. What I do have, however, is lots of group projects- smaller ones than last year, but each project is big enough to last the semester. The semester-long project isn't even what bothers me, though. The part I'm struggling with is the fact each of my projects this semester is a GROUP project. So, I don't only have my schedule to worry about to get what needs to be done, done for each of my classes- I have to worry about the schedules of 2 other people I'm working with in Mod Sim, and the 2 in Knowledge Based Systems, and my partner for the Software Engineering presentation, and my partner for the Software Engineering project. On top of that, I have meetings that I have to work around schedules of the 6 other Hall council members, 4 other small group members, and 7 other COS Club officers. I can't be in control of my calendar, because I can't do any of these projects or groups on my own. I'm tied to what works for the group. And, go figure, I've got classes too. And relationships to keep up. I always hesitate to wish for more hours in the day, because I know that, if there were more hours in the day, they would get filled just as the hours I've got now are.
I'm being told in classes, "You must learn to work on a team, because all your projects in the workplace will be in a group." I don't doubt that at all. What I do doubt is if being on 7 teams, rather than one or two or three, is realistic. Hopefully I won't have to deal with this many concurrent groups ever again. That would be nice.
I look at other majors, and they get to work independently on their papers and projects and classwork. Oh, how that would simplify things! I guess it is just the nature of my field?
I guess I will have to learn.
Right now I feel frantic.
And this too shall pass.
sigh.
Contrast that with this semester. I don't have One Overwhelming Project, which I suppose can be viewed as a good thing. What I do have, however, is lots of group projects- smaller ones than last year, but each project is big enough to last the semester. The semester-long project isn't even what bothers me, though. The part I'm struggling with is the fact each of my projects this semester is a GROUP project. So, I don't only have my schedule to worry about to get what needs to be done, done for each of my classes- I have to worry about the schedules of 2 other people I'm working with in Mod Sim, and the 2 in Knowledge Based Systems, and my partner for the Software Engineering presentation, and my partner for the Software Engineering project. On top of that, I have meetings that I have to work around schedules of the 6 other Hall council members, 4 other small group members, and 7 other COS Club officers. I can't be in control of my calendar, because I can't do any of these projects or groups on my own. I'm tied to what works for the group. And, go figure, I've got classes too. And relationships to keep up. I always hesitate to wish for more hours in the day, because I know that, if there were more hours in the day, they would get filled just as the hours I've got now are.
I'm being told in classes, "You must learn to work on a team, because all your projects in the workplace will be in a group." I don't doubt that at all. What I do doubt is if being on 7 teams, rather than one or two or three, is realistic. Hopefully I won't have to deal with this many concurrent groups ever again. That would be nice.
I look at other majors, and they get to work independently on their papers and projects and classwork. Oh, how that would simplify things! I guess it is just the nature of my field?
I guess I will have to learn.
Right now I feel frantic.
And this too shall pass.
sigh.
10.02.2004
The Meaning of Memories
I've been blogging like crazy lately... I've been in a really contemplative mood the last few days. For some reason, I've been processing philosophical questions like mad. It's kinda tiring. Fun, though. I'll have more on that later.
I just finished watching Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, which is a contemplative movie all around about the meaning of memories and the implications of losing them. There are some important themes I got out of the movie:
Memories make us
We are what we know, we are our experiences. OK, so I know there's something deeper than that about each person. But much of who we are, what we do, how we relate, is all tied to our history, our memories. I've learned more in the last year the importance of stories as part of identity. Close-knit families or towns or schools or friends are so because they recount often their triumphs, their funny moments, their tragedies, anything that they experienced together. The memories are key to the group's and individual's identity.
In the movie, the characters were broken and devestated when they realized they had lost memories-even bad, hurtful memories- because they realized they had lost a bit of themselves, their life, their experiences that makes them who they are.
Could I do it over the same way?
So, let's say I did lose all my memories of anything and everything that reminded me of my best friend. Would we meet again? If we did, would we 'click' in the same way? Could we achieve the same level of relationship? How would things turn out differently? Are we just friends because of current circumstances and surroundings, or is there something more that draws and holds friends together?
Could I fall in love with the same person all over again? How would things be new or different? If we started over with a blank slate and met, could we start off even better and grow even closer? Or would we completely miss each other and never cross paths again? It's funny how many people we do that with.
I'm glad God works things out the way he does. He knows what he's doing.
I'm sure there was more in the movie, but it is late, and has been a long week, and it is my bedtime. FFH concert tomorrow!
Goodnight Moon.
I just finished watching Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, which is a contemplative movie all around about the meaning of memories and the implications of losing them. There are some important themes I got out of the movie:
Memories make us
We are what we know, we are our experiences. OK, so I know there's something deeper than that about each person. But much of who we are, what we do, how we relate, is all tied to our history, our memories. I've learned more in the last year the importance of stories as part of identity. Close-knit families or towns or schools or friends are so because they recount often their triumphs, their funny moments, their tragedies, anything that they experienced together. The memories are key to the group's and individual's identity.
In the movie, the characters were broken and devestated when they realized they had lost memories-even bad, hurtful memories- because they realized they had lost a bit of themselves, their life, their experiences that makes them who they are.
Could I do it over the same way?
So, let's say I did lose all my memories of anything and everything that reminded me of my best friend. Would we meet again? If we did, would we 'click' in the same way? Could we achieve the same level of relationship? How would things turn out differently? Are we just friends because of current circumstances and surroundings, or is there something more that draws and holds friends together?
Could I fall in love with the same person all over again? How would things be new or different? If we started over with a blank slate and met, could we start off even better and grow even closer? Or would we completely miss each other and never cross paths again? It's funny how many people we do that with.
I'm glad God works things out the way he does. He knows what he's doing.
I'm sure there was more in the movie, but it is late, and has been a long week, and it is my bedtime. FFH concert tomorrow!
Goodnight Moon.
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