One Year Ago

One year ago today was a Saturday. I remember, because I slept in. I got up before Josh did, and puttered around. When Josh woke up, one of the first things he said was, "Have you tested yet?!" I hadn't. I was trying not to obsess, as I knew so many others did. I'd been learning all I could about conception for the last six months, taking my temperature every morning for the previous four months. I'm cheap, though, and didn't want to burn through a bunch of tests (Those things are expensive!), so only tested when I knew the probability was higher-than-average for a positive. It was a big science experiment, in a way. Three months prior I had taken one or two. Earlier that week I tested, and the line was ambiguous- was it there? Or were we imagining it?

That day, one year ago, there was no ambiguity. The Positive line popped up even before the Control line did.

We didn't tell anyone we were hoping for this, during the months we waited for it. It was on my mind, but I couldn't talk about it. I almost stopped blogging, because I wasn't mentioning it, and didn't know what else to talk about. We didn't tell anyone about the positive test for more than a month. It was our secret.

I waited, and held my breath, and hoped this little creature growing inside of me would make it. I ticked off the weeks- up to 25% of pregnancies are lost by 6 weeks; the chance drops to 5% after 8 weeks, 2% after 10 weeks when I heard the heartbeat. It was all math and probabilities at that point- we'd tell friends and family and blog readers when the chances were very good the baby would hang around.

But, that day, one year ago? I had no idea what we were in for. Some days, I still don't. But it's without a doubt been pretty wonderful.



Also? Today officially means that Elliott will NOT have an Irish twin. We're 100% OK with that- we're not done enjoying this baby!