In college, I went to a technology conference. Among other, more important things going on, one of the vendors at the conference was a Segway dealer, and people were lined up to try out these fascinating contraptions. I remember when the Segway was first featured on Good Morning America, and the speculation and excitement leading up to the device codenamed IT. Anyway, I like gadgets, so I wanted to give the Segway a try.
When I stepped up on the two-wheeled platform, the device leaned forward under me. I leaned back to compensate, and it moved backwards, too. To avoid falling off the back, I leaned forward again, and it rolled a tiny bit forward, again. I went back and forth like this for a while, leaning forward and back to keep my balance, and the machine stuttering and shuddering underneath me, matching my movements. Finally, the employee assisting me said "Stand still!" I thought I was trying to standing still- I wasn't trying to move, just trying to balance! It was the machine that kept moving! I had to consciously force myself to not compensate when I felt the Segway move underneath me. I stood straight, and stopped trying so hard to balance. Amazingly, the Segway immediately became still; the platform solid under my feet. Only when I got my footing by becoming still could I actually go anywhere, and drive the Segway by leaning forward in a controlled way.
This is kind of how I feel right now. There's nothing wrong- I'm just a little off-center, and that prevents me from moving forward. I'm doing my best to keep my balance- but I'm not doing what I need to do to stay centered. Life's not particularly busy right now exactly; I just feel disorganized, I think. My life isn't like fast-paced PS3 games, nor do I want it to be. Things are pretty simple right now, but it's as if I'm maintaining Life right now, but not making much progress. Like on the Segway- I'm managing to stay on top of it, but not go anywhere. Until I make a conscious decision to Be Still.
That's really what I need- to Be Still. To live consciously, rather than just trying to keep my balance.
This is what I've been thinking about lately.
Mostly, I need to start spending more "Being Still" time- with God, or reading, or exercising- which isn't physically being still, but it clears my head. I'm wired to need time to reflect, maybe more than most- and it's not that I don't have the time, I've just not been taking the time. They're different. It's all about making a conscious choice to be still. I'm working on it.